Why do we see our “single season” as a curse, something that we wish away and hope to fix? Maybe it’s because we live in a world where the media portrays companionship as the Ultimate Life Goal. If we ask the next ten people we meet what’s their ultimate goal, we can almost guarantee that the majority of the answers will end with Happily married with kids. If we were asked this same question, as believers, the response should be orally different. Instead, we see our singleness as a time of waiting rather than a time of action. We hold our breaths thinking about the day we exhale at the altar and then life is instantly a beautiful bed of roses. Why can’t we have this exhale moment in our singleness? It is a truth that God uses every stage of our life to complete His purpose. What if we are worth more to the kingdom single because our attention is not divided and in this season the only voice we have to consider when making a decision is His?
We need to check our hearts, are we following Christ for the right reasons or are we following him because we think it’s a prerequisite to having a spouse? God will not give you something or someone that He knows you will make an idol. There are illegitimate things we are waiting for a spouse to complete because we don’t trust that God is enough. It will save us a lot of heartache and detoured paths once we learn that our identity is not found after hearing “I DO” it can only be found in Christ. Who God says we are is our only Identity, He validates us. It is time to throw away the list, and not the “my ideal spouse list” rather the list we build around our timing to let our Creator know it’s time for a spouse. It sounds similar to an equation and looks Similar to… God we’re active in church, finished grad school (that’s 2 degrees Lord), have a decent paying career, have free time to share, this heart You blessed me with is officially open now, and lets not forget to mention we worked on ourselves, so that must equate to it being time to give us a spouse.
So How can we change the way we process our singleness?
- We have to change our hearts. In order to do so we have to ask ourselves tough questions that we may not want to answer, such as, is my reason for wanting marriage sin? If the cause is the belief that our sexual desires will be gratified in a marriage, or to find validation, then we need to fervently pray and ask God to fill these voids and TRUST that He can.
- 2. Press into a community- God has a way of showing up in many ways. He knows that it’s not good for us to be alone, so he gave us each other. We must find a group of believers who know how to counsel us, cover us in prayer, and lead us back to Christ with their edifying actions. We do not have to struggle in isolation. A community is a gift from God it’s a way of having accountability for our actions. Once we cling to each other and confess our struggles, we will find that we are not alone and someone has gone through the same burdens and can now be a testament to overcoming that particular trouble. The community has a way of wrapping its arms around us for comfort, for this reason, it is essential to be a member of community.
- Stop going to Wal-Mart in our Sundays Best with intentions of meeting the one- Instead let’s change the motive behind the reason for participating in the things we do. Pursue them primarily because we enjoy it. Now is the time to learn who God created us to be. It’s a continuous journey in getting to know who we are, so we should stop thinking that we have arrived. There’s no reason why we can’t move to that new city, climb that mountain, go on that mission trip, and even learn how to cook for the simple reason of providing nourishment for ourselves.
Hone this season and exhaust all the talent and time you have to complete God’s assignment of advancing the Kingdom. At the end of life, we will have to give an account of everything we have done in our lives including our single season. Remember that single believers are a part of God’s glory. So, the next time we find ourselves struggling with thoughts of inadequacy that singleness brings press into these truths. Fight the negative thoughts in prayer and get to know God intimately. You won’t recognize that he’s able to fulfill and satisfy you until you get to know who He is.
Simply Janeen ❤